


Your Girlfriend's A Gator?!

by Ecsassy



Category: Promare (2019)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, I'm washing me AND my clothes vine used as inspo for beginning, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Remi's girlfriend doesn't have a name, another friend requested fic, based on a Q&A about Remi's girlfriend, based on that vine of the girl in the bathtub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 03:54:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21385660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ecsassy/pseuds/Ecsassy
Summary: When I asked my friend what they wanted for their Remi fic, they said "use that vine of I'M WASHIN' ME AND MY CLOTHES, BITCH".... So here we are.Remi and his gator girlfriend are discovered by Gueira and Meis who spend way too much time just hassling Remi in their spare time. Why? I don't know; I just liked that dynamic for them.
Relationships: Meis/Gueira, Remi Puguna/girlfriend
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Your Girlfriend's A Gator?!

**Author's Note:**

> **This is not Beta'd. 
> 
> There's no mature content but I didn't know what to tag this as or rate it as so.

"What in the ever loving /fuck/--" 

The last thing in the world Meis thought he'd stumble into is Remi sunk down in the now grimy water of a bath with all of his clothes on his body. Ignis had sent the two to fetch their now-firefighting-partner when he'd suddenly gone MIA for more than forty minutes. Something about him not normally taking this long, blahblah, worried because he seemed too quiet, blahblah, definitely had too much to drink, blahblah. 

Meis was a good mom friend. And whether these people were on common ground with the crimes he and his partner had committed or not wouldn't effect his caretaking ways. So, naturally, he said yes. Gueira tagged along if only because he was entertained with the idea of intruding on Remi's precious privacy. Anything to cause a bit of chaos, right?

"Apfff," Okay, so he thought /he'd/ be causing the chaos-- but really, he ended up walking /into/ the chaos. His hand clamps on his mouth to stifle the sound his lips make when they smack together in a futile attempt to steady his laugh. 

Remi seems completely unphased by them intruding. They'd swung open the door so quickly with wicked smirks now completely erased by a mixture of shock on one and total amusement on the other. Gueira is holding his stomach, leaned against the now open door. Meis, on the other hand, has his hands stretched open and outward. "What--" He can't even get a coherent question out because who the hell just jumps into a bathtub with their clothes on?

"Did you just decide now was a good time to take a damn swim?" A valid accusation. 

But their once-enemy is scowling at them with disinterest. "I'm washing me /and/ my clothes." Hands swirl some of the water around his almost-black dark blue jeans. He hasn't even unfastened the belt around his waist. His black shirt remains tucked in, clinging to his skin even more with how damp the lower portion of it is. It's moments like these that Gueira would often tease him for having such a girly figure, to which he'd rebuke with having been a certain type of model that Gueira couldn't afford the luxury of. 

And then Meis's hands would be prying the two's fists away from each other before they could land an actual hit. 

This time, though, the redhead wasn't able to make any sort of jab because he was also slightly inebriated and thus further humored by the ridiculousness of Remi's words. "Washing.. me.. and my clothes--" He half wheezes out, crumpling to the floor. 

Oh if only Meis could muster that sort of amusement.

"Do I /want/ to know why you thought that was a good idea?" Only now does Meis cross his arms over his chest. A thoughtful gesture more than anything. 

For a moment, the hands in the water still and teal eyes slowly lift to look at the duo in the doorway. His nose scrunches briefly, jostling his glasses ever so slightly. "You wouldn't understand." Somehow, despite how intoxicated and grumbly he was, the grumpy fireman's voice is audible to at least one of the two eyeing him up like he's today's Sudoku puzzle. 

"Try me."  
"Oh my god Meis-- we were sent to check on him, not play therapist! Come onnn! It's Lucia's birthday and she's demanding a rematch on that--" His hands gesture wildly; sadly, Meis knows what he means just with that alone. But the redhead spits it out, "Go kart game--"  
"Well?" He doesn't give his partner a response. Instead, he just pushes Remi for an answer. The single visible brow is perked, showing further curiosity. 

The push only has Remi sinking further into dingy water as if the water would protect him from having to answer. It was very unlike him. Drunk Remi was very different than sober Remi. But by this point in their newly developing friendship, the firefighter knew at lease one of the pair wouldn't give up. So he sighs heavily and shoots the dark haired one a glare, "I smell." 

"Y'know, a /normal/ person would take a /normal/ shower, without clothes--" Gueira points out, an arm now resting on Meis's shoulder so he can lean on him. 

"My clothes smell like her too."

Her. Neither were expecting that. The awkward pause was filled with a drawn out "Uhh.." from one of the two. Remi hadn't realized his slip up until Meis spoke up.

"Her?"

Suddenly foureyes was sitting up quickly enough to splash water out of the tub. His eyes were the size of dinner plates. Clearly he knew he dun fucked up. Not that it's that big of a deal but--

"I didn't say that."

"Ohhh yes you did--" "You did." They're half talking over each other at this point. But it didn't matter because Remi was making a whole hell of a lot of noise getting out of the tub. Drunk and soaked were not exactly a great pair. 

"I'm busy," He's short and dry with his words as he swats the two away-- though they'd already begun stepping back when he approached the door anyway because neither wanted to have a drenched fireman on them. Remi takes advantage of their fears and uses the distance to not just close but lock the door on them. 

"H-Hey--" Gueira was none too pleased, if only because he found it rude. And, well, we all know he's not terribly fond of that treatment being directed at his two closest companions - Meis and Lio.   
Meis takes to putting a hand on his shoulder not just to soothe him but also to pull him back. "It's fine. He seems.. stable enough to hold his own." That's all Meis needed to know. While he'd been a little wobbily, Remi wasn't so drunk that he was slurring his words. So that meant he'd be fine. "...Did you know he had a girlfriend?"

"No, man! I'd totally tell you if I did!" Gueira's immediately brightening up at the subject matter, only because he's amused-- obvious by the grin he wore and the way he hung on Meis as they finally departed from the bathroom door. 

"Huh... Interesting.

***

There was a lot of groaning and grumbling the next day; but most of the crew carried on with their work routines with ease. It wasn't until later that night that routines were broken. Only by Gueira and Meis, though. How shocking. 

Fingers pull one of the two just past the wall of the building so red eyes can scout the dimly lit alleyway. A single figure trots slowly down through the less than welcoming pathway. It's a little dingy back in this part of town; but the two had been to much worse places. This didn't phase them one bit.

"Listen, if he tries to kill me for this, I'm totally throwing you under the bus--" It's a joke. Gueira would never do that to his partner in crime. He's whispering quietly enough only for them to hear, pulling himself back to eye Meis only after the other gently jabs at him with his elbow.   
"Aren't you the one who wanted to know about his /mysterious girlfriend/?" Meis wiggles his fingers as he says the last words.

The jokes get set aside when they hear the strange sound of concrete grinding together. Both set of eyes dart to the figure and see him slip beneath the surface of the ground with haste. There's a near choking sound from Gueira due to his surprise; hand clamping on his mouth to silence it. Meis seems to be the silent one of the two when it comes to surprise. His shock is more in his expression. 

After about fifteen seconds of just staring, the taller of the two makes a pop with his lips and nods. "..Right. So uh.. Let's go then."   
"Down /there/?!" Gueira is loud, causing his partner to reach out and slap a palm against his lips to hush him.   
Some grumbling similar to this morning occurred but Meis just literally tugs Gueira along to get them moving.

It's not a terribly treacherous mission to get down into the sewers, though they probably made enough sound to alert Remi to their presence. In the end, it didn't matter if they did because the one he was visiting would /definitely/ have noticed. 

Loud splashes leave both males jumping-- the redhead grabbing his lankier partner's shoulders while standing behind him to use him as a human meat shield. The source of the sound is obvious as the scaled tail is the last thing they see slip into the murky waters in front of the fireman. A look of total annoyance crosses said man's face as he has to slowly drop the fork and knife from his hands into the paper box of what appeared to be cake. Birthday cake from Lucia's party last night, they deduced rather quickly.

"/What/ are you doing here? Look what you did!" His hand gestures out now that it's free of utensils cutting the cake into smaller pieces. Which.. to some.. might seem.. utterly.. ridiculous.. considering.. he's feeding it to...

A gator.

An alligator.

"Your girlfriend's an /alligator/?!" Gueira near screeches, gesturing wildly to the water with one hand while the other still clings to his boyfriend.

"Good job, Captain Obvious." Remi wasn't afraid to be blunt and to the point. Especially with people like Gueira who were wildly.. well, wild. 

"Whoa wait-- you're not-- Hah. You're not.. denying.. that... Are you-- Are you /serious/?" Meis seems speechless while Gueira just works up the courage to walk around Meis with words that solidify his baffled state. "Dude, that's--"

"Don't." He sighs heavily and reaches a hand back out to the water once more. It takes a moment, but after a few soft murmurs of "It's okay,"... there's success. The head of a white gator surfaces. Glossy, sharp eyes peer over to two, but Remi tucks bare fingers under her chin to scratch gently. They're both flabbergasted that a gator would even be receptive to that sort of touch. But she is. 

There's a loosely tied ribbon on the tip of her tail shaped into a bow. How it stayed in place, they dare not ask. Or perhaps Remi just gave her new ones when they saw each other. Again, they didn't ask so there was no answer. But the fireman could feel their gazes burning into the couple so he sits back and pats his lap for the lightly colored alligator to slither up and plant his long muzzle onto. 

"Stop staring. You'll make her uncomfortable." He speaks oddly calmly. Perhaps in the softest way either had heard him talk before. 

Gueira awkwardly nods while Meis takes to kneeling to put himself on the same level as their point of interest.

"Dude-- don't do that-- you're easier to catch and eat that way--"

"Firstly, we can hear you, Gueira." The redhead's jaw clamped shut so quickly at that retort from Remi, "Secondly, she's not actually a gator so you don't need to worry about that." 

"Then what is she?" Meis asks rather calmly, eyes scanning the cake he'd been feeding her. "Not a whole lot of alligators eat sweets." 

By now, Remi is gently working fingertips along the scales of his girlfriend's cheeks. If alligators could smile, then she definitely was. ..Meis concluded that it was probably possible based on the way she looked right now. 

"If you must know," He takes a moment to continue, using his other hand to prod at the cake and get a piece to toss into her mouth. He seems almost careless with it-- clearly trusting her. "She's a human. She just... had an unfortunate accident." 

"/Accident/?" Gueira croaks.

"Yes. An accident. The laboratory was doing testing as you're all too aware of," Both seemed to flinch at the mere mention of that hellhole. "The testing on her went haywire and this was the result." He frowns. 

Crickets weren't down in the sewers. But by the Gods they'd totally fill this awkward silence as the boys put together what they were hearing. 

"...Right. Sooo..." Gueira rocks on his feet, hands now shoved into the pockets of a spare leather jacket he had since joining Burning Rescue. "Why's she here?"

"Well, she's not going to fit in our bathtub, Gueira." His sassy retort gets a gentle huff of air from his reptilian girlfriend - the sort that softly scold him.

"Ya' don't talk about a lady's size, dude!" Gueira concurs, hands up in the air. "/You/ of all people should know that!" 

"Sorry, sorry." He playfully sigh, smiling fondly at her. The size isn't really what she was huffing at so much as the sass he gave Gueira. But Remi doesn't tell the redhead that. "These are two of the ones I've told you about recently. Two of our new recruits to the Burning Rescue... Meis," He gestures to the bluenette who waves nonchalantly from his squatted spot on the floor. "And the loud one is Gueira, obviously."   
"/Hey/." He half steps forward with a fist raised up in some sort of challenging way. But Remi dismissively waves at it. Clearly the gator didn't sense an actual challenge because she hardly so much as flared her nostril at it. 

"She.. was a part of the team. Our #6. And the reason I became a part of the team." No questions were being answered so the two were a little shocked that the male was even saying these things. But Gueira opted to sit by Meis finally and just kept his trap shut. "They were her friends. So.. I naturally had to share some of Lucia's cake with her." 

"Do they know she's down here?" Meis questions quizzically - a bit softly as to show sympathy for a situation that, as silly as it may seem, was clearly a bit sore for Remi.

"..No." The confession has them both glancing to each other.

"We won't tell."  
"Hey man, it's your choice."

Their words leave Remi's eyes briefly widening as if he's surprised by what he heard. Then he lets out the faintest huff of a laugh, "Hah. Thanks, guys. I'm not sure they're ready for it so... Maybe I'll eventually find the right time. Or.. Really, I'm just hoping I can find a way to turn her back before then."

"Ever thought about asking that one chick-- Aina's sis?"   
"She has a name." Meis nudges his boyfriend gently, shaking his head. Gueira wasn't rude per say; but he wasn't always the best with words. Or names, obviously.

"I.. Have. But I was afraid of when she worked with Kray. And truth be told? I don't trust anyone who works there even now." He frowns. T

hey sort of shrug and nod, expressing understanding. Who wouldn't be afraid of that if that's what transformed her in the first place? "I thought of sneaking into the lab myself but... I'm Ignis's second hand. I don't want to put him on the spotlight by doing anything too crazy."

There's a pause. And then they look at each other and grin, "Weelll, maybe weee could do it?" Bold suggestion, Gueira. "Ain't no one gonna be surprised if we're just casually snoopin' around." He snorts.   
"And even if they are, they don't really have the right to yell at us considering what they partook in." Meis shrugs. 

Remi squints at the two, "..Why would you even think to help? You don't even know her." 

"So? You didn't know us." Gueira's standing to his feet, offering a hand to Meis of which his partner takes to help himself up. "'Sides, what else we got goin' on?"

"Put it on tab for when we come to you for help." Meis suggests. It's not like they wouldn't need something from him eventually. He was technically their trainer for the burning rescue. And they did run late... a lot. 

"Well, it's been simply lovely meeting you, darling." Meis offers the gator a smile and bow as if she's some sort of royalty. The redhead grunts at it, shaking his head and walking away with a hand raised up. 

"Toodles, alligator lady!" How original-- "And you scaley-fucker." 

The last thing the pair heard was the sound of a plastic knife being tossed at them like a dagger. And the last thing Remi and his beautiful girlfriend heard were the cackles of an absolute brat.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Sorry. I'm not the best at these sort of things but I did my best. :')


End file.
